im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize