I heard we made out
Non-Jews are for practice
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize