She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
