so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She's the barista slut.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
