Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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