Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
