when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
