There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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