what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
