Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
