she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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