one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
