he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
