i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
