I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
