You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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