My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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