Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
