i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
