im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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