I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize