So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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