You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
nutella sex= disaster
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
