the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
