You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
