It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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