Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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