wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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