P.S. I can't hear my feet
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
