drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
