Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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