so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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