I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
