you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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