you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
