4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
