Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
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