In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
