Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
