The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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