did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
