I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
