guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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