i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
