he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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