You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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