You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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