Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
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