Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
