her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
