i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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