Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
