Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Randomize
