Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
