I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
