There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
