covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
