why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
