well you can't waste a boner
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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