Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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