woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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