Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
