So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
