sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
